Does “should” form any of your self-talk? – There has been much written about this.
Is your self-talk a trusted friend or a fierce foe? I believe that when self-talk starts out with: “I should …” then self-talk is a fierce foe. Sure, it may present as a friend but, when the word “should” shows up, the foe isn’t far behind. The same can be said for advice or remarks that are given to you, that sound like: “You Should …”.
There is nothing you should do or should be if you don’t want to. Should is not an innate motivator that makes you go after what you want. Rather, it is the opposite. It’s demotivating and uninspiring.
Three more reasons to eliminate “should” from your self-talk:
- Should risks the implication that you aren’t doing enough or aren’t good enough. It anchors a statement that creates stress and anxiety in your body and mind.
- Should is one of the least motivating things you can say to yourself. It implies that you ought to do something simply because it is expected of you – either by others, societal norms, or yourself.
- Should indicates that there is a specific, correct way for you to do things. This is not true. Why? Because there is no one correct way to live life. There is only your way to live your life. You get to design the life you want and write your life story.
Here is one way to begin to make this “Should” adjustment. Imagine someone you know quite well says:
“Hey that jacket looks like it’s getting pretty tight on you”. Your reflex thought might be: “I should exercise more.”
What if you reframe your thought?
| Should | Could | Going to |
| I should exercise more. | I could exercise more. | I’m going to exercise more. |
| Lacks control demotivates | Considers control neutral | Takes control motivational |
| Why? | Why? | Why? |
| Is it because of an external judgment? | Is it because of an external judgment? Getting closer … | “Because I want to feel better.” or “Because I enjoy it.” or, “Because I have a goal in mind.” |
Beginning with “I’m going to …” leads to positive, empowering outcomes. It’s the self-talk from a trusted friend.
You get to design the life you want and write your life story. Are there “I should …” statements you’ll reframe?